MW: The Journey - Post-Exam UPDATE

The waiting has begun. There are fourteen weeks between exam week and results day, so it’s quite a long period for nail-biting. (This is due to the need for hands-on evaluation of every single theory and practical paper for all Stage 1 and Stage 2 candidates by two different MWs.)

Walking out of my exam, I felt I had done enough to pass into Stage 2. I wasn’t cocky by any means, far from it, but I thought my theory answers were detailed, laden with examples, and displayed some critical thinking. The practical (tasting) portion I wished had gone more smoothly; I made a rookie mistake of not tasting all five reds in a row, which would have saved me some time with my initial wrong conclusion of wines 4 and 5 (but luckily, I caught it fairly early and was able to pivot.) And there were a couple of wines that completely stymied me, and a few I had to make snap decisions on as I was running low on time. My performance, I felt, had not adequately demonstrated my abilities and what I’ve learned.

But I know I’m a good taster, and I have VASTLY improved since the day I first started the program. I write much better arguments, especially for method of production. I understand what the question is asking of me, and I look at point allocations so I don’t write too much on one thing and not enough on another. And I answered every question, which a lot of Stage 1 candidates are not yet able to do. So, overall, I was feeling hopeful.

But a week later, when they released what the wines were, my heart sank.

I did not get a single wine 100% right. Two of the wines (including one that had stymied me and one I’d made a snap decision on) I got completely wrong. Like, embarrassingly wrong. I tried to cheer myself up that a couple of my calls were very close, so I would be able to get almost full marks for those. But one flight, while I got the grape variety correct, I didn’t place any of the wines in their proper regions. For wines 4 and 5 that I’d pivoted on, I was still wrong, but thank goodness I’d pivoted closer! And I did get comparative elements of the pair correct. But still, overall wrong.

Now, you do NOT have to get all the wines correct to pass. They understand – especially these days, with climate change and advances in vinification know-how – that many wines can appear very similar. So, in some cases, there is a wide range of latitude. And a lot of the questions are on method of production and quality/style so you can earn points even if you don’t know what the wines are.

But there are two reasons why I’m distraught.

FIRST: it is impossible to know if I did enough to pass. The exam is incredibly subjective. I had thirty-five different questions to answer – all with different point allotments. One was: For all three wines, identify the grape variety (21 marks). So, I got Pinot Noir correct, yay, so 2-3 points right there, maybe more. But the thing is, then I have to PROVE it by referencing all 3 wines and saying WHY it was Pinot Noir.

So, if you wrote, “All three wines are pale, with high acid, low tannin, and notes of bramble fruit and earth, pointing to Pinot Noir.” Is that true? Definitely. Is that worth 18 more points? Nope.

After all this time, I know how to write a 21-mark Pinot Noir note, and I believe I did so. But my examiner might have thought I didn’t make enough points. Or maybe I repeated something so wouldn’t get extra points there. So perhaps I only got 17-18 points for my answer, even though it was 100% correct and I said a lot of good stuff.

See?

The other day, I went through the exam questions and guessed how many points I might have gotten – on one end if the examiners felt I did pretty well, and then what I may have gotten if they felt I did poorly. On the good side, I estimated around 180 points. As a worst case, I estimated 125 points.

I need 165 to pass. Below 120, they release you outright.

So… did I pass? Maybe. But losing easy points for missing identifications makes me very, very nervous. (Just FYI, if I was in Stage 2, the minimum threshold is 195 points, so it would have been an unequivocal fail.) There is no way of knowing if - or how much - they’ll agree with conclusions I made, or decide some of my calls were somewhat appropriate, though incorrect. Or, they'll look overall, see no 100% correct calls, and lose confidence.

So, the nail biting will continue.

ONE little day.

SECONDLY: I am distraught because I’m beyond frustrated that all the work I’ve put in since Day 1, all the improvement I’ve shown (to myself, my mentors, and my peers,) all the knowledge and experience I’ve amassed over these past five years (three officially in the program, two off) – is evaluated by one day, one 4h 15m exam.

There are no other portions of my “grade.” Yes, I did some assignments during the year, both practical and theory, which were evaluated by MWs, but they don’t count. I had exchanges with my mentor all year, but they don’t count. I took outside courses with MWs, but they don’t count. So the whole program is based on you being able to demonstrate all the best of yourself on one single day. (Or, week, if Stage 2.) It was a below average tasting day for me, but they don’t know that, nor do they care. It’s maddening that there can’t be ANY additional element or two which would confirm your abilities – to give a cushion for a sub-par tasting day, or maybe if the required theory question is your weakest topic out of 100 possible ones.

So – what is going to happen?

Best case, I make it through and progress to Stage 2. All fingers and toes and everything crossed, that in spite of my frustrating practical, I passed. (I have wondered if maybe I did a LOT better than I thought? Ha! That would be a trip.) Worst case, I miss the boat completely, earn less than 120 points on practical (no matter how well I do on theory) and am released outright, though I truly do not believe that will happen. Other option: if I earn just-below passing points on practical, and just-below or pass theory, I will be a re-sit, invited to remain in Stage 1 for another year. (And at the end of that year, if I do not progress to Stage 2, I'm released; that's what happened to me originally.)

My current dread is that a "close miss" re-sit will happen.

Why DREAD? Well, here’s my main point:

After being released after my first go-around, I re-applied last year because I simply wasn’t done with MW. I relish the way the program has made me think about wine, from seed to sales. I am head-over-heels in love with my study buddies around the world. I am grateful for the mentorship and support from MWs near and far. I know in my bones I can do this, and it was unfortunate the pandemic years were not the best situation to get me started. So, I returned to the program with one goal: to get into Stage 2. I believe I belong there, and I still firmly know that I have what it takes to ultimately become a Master of Wine. But if, after a total of five years, (3 officially in the program, two out but still studying,) I am still not able to get over this one hurdle, to progress to Stage 2 – I am planning to walk away.

This is a very tough predicament. For one, I am not a quitter. My ego knows I am capable of this and wants to avoid any kind of shame or embarrassment (external or internal.) I look at many students in Stage 2 and know I have comparable talents, so I belong with them. I have invested a great deal of time and a heck of a lot of money into this, I don’t want to have wasted it. My practical exam was not as strong as I KNOW I AM.

But being in the MW program takes up every free moment – of time, which you allocate to practice and study, and of thought. It’s exhausting. It’s overwhelming. It’s often frustrating. There are lots of good parts, don’t get me wrong. But it’s all-consuming. It fills the gaps of every single day, and sometimes haunts your dreams at night. And if I do get into Stage 2, it’s unlikely I’ll pass both theory and practical first try next year (it happens, but it’s rare.) So I’ll have to re-sit one or both in 2027. Maybe again in 2028. Then I will have to write a research paper which takes a year – sometimes two. So even if I’m successful, it might not be until 2030, which means I’ll have spent a decade of my life pursuing MW. To earn me… nothing.

Not entirely true, but people often ask, “What do you get when you get this?” as if there’s a prize waiting the moment they hand you your certificate. But there isn’t. No guaranteed job, no promised salary. I already command pretty much the highest hourly rate as an appraiser as the business will sustain. Maybe I’ll get a few more speaking or teaching gigs, and my book will get published, but there are no guarantees. Will I even earn back all the money I’ve spent? Unlikely.

But for me, this was never about “getting” something; I’ve been pursuing this for the same reason Sir Edmund Hillary climbed Everest – it was there. And I believed I could do it. But I don’t want to keep banging my head against a wall.

At seminar, an MW told the group, “You are all here because we see the potential for each of you to become an MW.” But what I’ve realized is, almost anyone accepted to the program can become an MW… if they stay in the program long enough. And while I am one of the most committed and tenacious people out there, I am finally realizing the best choice for me may be to walk away.

A friend said, “Ehhh, knowing you, you’ll probably reconsider!” Maybe. It’s certainly possible. But one of the reasons I wrote this was to help me confirm that there are so many things I’ve pushed out of my life in favor of MW for the past five years that I MISS.

I miss performing on stage. The last five years, I’ve done some readings, a little TV, and a couple of regional theatre shows, but performing used to be very regular and a part of my identity, and it’s not right now. I’ve had to turn down opportunities to preserve seminar and exam dates. I constantly worry my agents will lose faith in me and drop me. I never thought wine and performing had to be either-or, but I’ve sacrificed a significant part of myself for the MW program.

I have SO many projects that are stuck in “spin cycle,” unable to get back into the flow, or even started. I want to pick up “Broadway Buzzed” again. It’s such a genius idea, ‘helping people love wine, one Broadway show at a time.’ (Check it out on YouTube HERE.) I want to get on location for my project “Hitting the Spots,” and chat food and wine parings and beverage programs with amazing restauranteurs. I want to give you all the insider tips on oenotourism and where the best wine and cocktail bars in the world are with “Sips & Trips: The Podcast.” And I want to realize the goal I had when I kinda accidentally made a sizzle in 2017 and discovered the reason I was put on this planet, to be a wine and spirits TV host.

I also want to be a better daughter to my aging parents. I want to date again. I want to refresh my home and be freewheeling and adventurous in my city. I want to travel for fun! And spend time learning languages, not the foreign-sounding polyvinylpolypyrrolidone, lysozyme, DTMA and so on. (If you’re not aware, those are a fining agent; an antibacterial enzyme; and the Della Toffola Maceration Accelerator for extraction. See – I HAVE learned a ton.)  

If I get through? Balls to the wall, baby.

If the September results email arrives with “Progress to Stage 2,” I will be overjoyed. I will cry and drink expensive Champagne. I will throw myself back into all the difficulties I alluded to above with energy and enthusiasm. And we’ll take it year by year from there.

But if I come up shy once again, even if it was SOOO close, even if the Institute is encouraging and supportive… I want my life back. Simple as that.

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My fellow MW candidates, I'd love to hear your thoughts about my reactions and plans. And to my friends, family, and readers, your comments and support mean the world, and I would not have progressed THIS far without them. Cheers!